She is in my trunk
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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