I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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