I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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