im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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