im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize