He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
