Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
