Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
