At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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