you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
no, he came in my armpit
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
