I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
