And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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