I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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