Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize