omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's like iHOP with fire
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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