I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
