Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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