the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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