Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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