tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
my poor anus
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
