Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
