my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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