Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
