he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
