I like to think it a success when the cops are called
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
