I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
