I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
