Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
