exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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