I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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