Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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