in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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