I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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