Im at strip club and am horny
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
