i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
