did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
