I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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