got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
