NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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