I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
