Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
