So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
