tonight lets celebrate not being married
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
