I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
