More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize