So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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