He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
