The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
