Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Randomize
