Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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