I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just pee around me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
