I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize