2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
this is an emotional support booty call
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
