You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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