An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
