Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
