Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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