Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize