So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
