I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
