I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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