just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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