you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
