Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
