Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
