Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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