Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
